How Yoga Helps Overcome Ego, Attachment, Aversion, and Fear
One of the most important things I’ve learned from styding yoga philosophy is that most of my own suffering is a me problem.
Not because I’m broken or doing life wrong, but because I’m often looking at reality through a distorted lens and then making decisions based on what I think is there instead of what’s actually there.
That’s a pretty big problem, especially when compounded over time.
In yogic terms this fundamental misunderstanding or misperception of reality is called Avidyā.
One of my favorite books on yoga philosophy, The Heart of Yoga, by T.K.V. Desikachar, contains some of the most concise and thorough descriptions I have read about the complex and profound psycho-spiritual and physical practice we call yoga.
According to the book, “The goal of yoga is to reduce the film of Avidyā in order to act correctly.” Incorrect perception leads to incorrect action which leads to suffering.
Conversley, a clear understanding of reality is called Vidyā.
Avidyā (ignorance) is the root cause of the obstacles that prevent you from recognizing reality as it exists.
According to this philosophy, the obstacles fall into one of four categories:
Asmita (ego)
Rāga (attachment)
Dvesa (aversion)
Abhiniveśa (fear, particularly fear of death)
The ego seeks to divide and separate. Spirit seeks to unify and heal. ~Pema Chödrön
Avidyā along with the four branches are called the five Kleśas (pronounced kleshas), or poisons—the cause of all suffering, according to Patañjali‘s Yoga sūtras.
Read that again: the cause of all suffering.
Here’s the kicker though—you don’t know you have these misperceptions of reality. Rarely do you think to yourself, “I bet my perception of reality is just off right now,” because Avidyā is hidden from you. It is only in hindsight that you realize you were under the spell of Avidyā.
But you can recognize the branches or tell-tale signs of Avidyā.
“Avidyā and Freedom do not exist together.”
“Here Avidyā represents both the basis and attitude towards our action.”
“The aim of Yoga is to reach that state where our actions are not based on Avidyā.”
– T Krishnamacharya on Yoga Sūtra Chapter Two verse 25
The first branch of Avidyā is Asmita.
Asmita (ego) is that part of yourself that needs to be correct, that drives you to be “the best” or “better” than others. Signs that your ego is an obstacle to your understanding of reality are:
-the inability to accept criticism
-defensiveness
-comparing yourself to others
-interrupting others a lot
-lacking a sense of gratitude and graciousness.
Because I have a habit of interrupting, I have become more mindful about being a better listener. I make it my goal to listen with my full and complete attention, with my whole heart.
When I am in awareness, I take some time after someone has finished speaking, even just a few seconds, to absorb what they said to me.
I read once that giving someone focused attention is one of the highest forms of love, and so I figure that’s sort of a low-hanging fruit to loving others.
Being able to accept criticism without defensiveness also requires a lot of practice and mindful, ongoing effort.
Accepting constructive criticism doesn’t mean being a doormat. Consider the motives and attitude of the person leveling the criticism. Context is key.
When I am criticized, or even when someone disagrees with me, I have gotten into the habit of just noticing my automatic defensive feelings come to the surface. Giving myself that space, that time to watch and notice, has changed the way I respond to these situations.
Now, I get curious.
Is there something here for me to learn? Could I do this better? Is there something I thought I knew, but don’t actually have accurate information about? I try to be open to learning and growing, and I do this by becoming curious instead of defensive when confronted with criticism or different opinions.
My new mantra around this issue is get curious, not defensive. I am strong enough to be challenged.
I read once that if you feel offended when someone corrects you, then you have an ego problem.
I know this is easier said than done. When confronted with the same scenarios with family and close friends, people with whom there exists a complex and nuanced history, it is so much harder to stay centered and calm when criticized.
With great difficulty comes profound growth.
I am not a master at ego awareness. It’s a lifetime endeavor, probably many lifetimes, but I see improvement (yah me for trying!). Awareness is half the battle.
The second branch of Avidyā is Rāga.
Rāga is a type of misunderstanding that leads you to cling to, or become attached to things, people, or scenarios. Rāga stems from the belief that you are your likes and dislikes, your preferences, your thoughts, your body.
Humans tend to become attached and clingy to what we think brings us pleasure and comfort.
I can think of several things or scenarios I’m more attached to than I’d like to admit.
The world and everything in it are in a constant state of flux, so strong attachments put your inner peace in a precarious state.
Being in a strong state of Rāga is kinda like demanding to see the same pretty design every time you look through the kaleidoscope as you walk down the street.
I think of Rāga as an inner child demanding what it wants, when it wants it. You can acknowledge your inner little one while at the same time putting them in the backseat where they belong—strapped into a car seat.
Attachment to anything outside of yourself will lead to suffering because lasting and profound peace can only be found within.
The root of suffering is attachment. ~The Buddha
The way to overcome this branch of Avidyā is to practice letting go. You have very little control over anything outside of your own mind-body-spirit. And sometimes even that may feel tenuous.
Someone didn’t call you for your birthday? Let it go. A friend canceled a date you were excited about? Let it go. Your love interest isn’t as interested? Let it go. You didn’t get that new job? Let it go.
Admittedly, these are small potatoes compared to the gut-wrenching and painful losses you are sometimes confronted with, but the need to let it go is still there. And if you can practice letting go of the smaller, everyday things, perhaps you can let go of the bigger losses with more equanimity.
Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop. ~Rumi
The third branch of Avidyā is Dvesa.
Dvesa is the opposite of Rāga. Dvesa is rejecting, resisting, or pushing away people, scenarios, or thoughts you perceive as being difficult or uncomfortable. Rāga and Dvesa are two sides of the same coin.
Dvesa also causes you to reject the unfamiliar, in anticipation of it causing difficulty or making you uncomfortable.
What experiences do you miss out on because you’re resistant to what you don’t know? Your ego always wants to play it safe, your spirit wants to soar.
When I feel myself being resistant to something or someone, a resistance I know in my heart is coming from a place of smallness, ego, or fear, I have a little talk with that part of me where this feeling seems to be coming from.
Just like I do my attachments, I think of my aversion and resistance as embodied in a small child inside of me, unaware of the ways of the world or all the beautiful possibilities. She is fearful because she is small and inexperienced. This child is both demanding and resistant, as are most small children.
Aversion is a form of bondage. we are tied to what we hate or fear. That is why, in our lives, the same problem, the same danger or difficulty, will present itself over and over again in various prospects, as long as we continue to resist or run away from it instead of examining it and solving it. ~Patanjali
So I picture her in my mind. Little Hollie. Ego Hollie. She is worried and afraid, and perhaps she has good reason to be. But there are things to be done, places to go, people to meet, and important things to write about.
After I get in touch with her and see her clearly in my mind’s eye, I speak to her. I tell her I understand why she’s afraid and I know she’s trying to protect me. I tell her it’s going to be okay, better than okay even. I patiently explain that we will need to move towards these things that seem scary or unpleasant, but that I will take care of her.
You must do the thing you think you cannot do. —Eleanor Roosevelt
What I think is happening here is that my big Self (spirit, or atman in Sanskrit) is speaking to my small self (ego). I think it’s necessary to have a dynamic exchange between these two entities that exist in all of us. Our ego is part of our humanity. Separating them and visualizing the ego as a separate person helps me to honor that part of my humanness while also not allowing it to be in charge, at least not all the time.
Sometimes, when I am not in awareness, my small self is in charge. And when she is, I don’t feel so great. Things feel hard. There is less flow. The world feels scary and sometimes even hopeless.
Pranayama, asana, and meditation help keep me grounded, aware, and present. Walking in nature, listening to the wind, conversing with the butterflies and trees, and communing with the flowers are other ways I stay connected with spirit.
The feeling of aversion or attachment toward something is your clue that there’s work to be done. ~Ram Dass
The fourth branch of Avidyā is Abhiniveśa.
Abhinivesa is fear, particularly around death. Fear is found on many levels of your everyday life. Fear is an insipient, poisonous vine that can wilt and wither every part of your life–if you let it.
A few of my own personal top fears are the degradation of the environment, rising authoritarianism around the world, and growing old alone.
Although fear of death lives in my heart, its power over me lessens with time. As I grow more and more certain that I am not this body, not this personality, the thought of death makes me more curious than afraid. I hope that, like my aunt who passed away in 2020, I can reach the place where I feel “ready for the next adventure,” as she said.
Most of us are convinced that we are our egos, which is who we think we are. The ego is part of our incarnation. It dies with the body, which is why we are so afraid of death. Death scares the hell out of who you think you are, especially if you think you are this body. ~Ram Dass
I also have some fear of aging (a subsidiary fear of death), but I am working on bringing loving awareness into my life around this issue. I have begun to make it a habit to find a wrinkle or age spot on my body (not difficult!) and tell it “I love you.” And mean it with my whole heart.
I want to send my aging body love as I move closer to the end of my life. I don’t want the last part of my life to be colored by self-hatred and an inability to fully accept and embrace who I am.
We live in a culture that worships youth and the superficiality of physical beauty, so daily awareness around this is really important for my peace of mind and quality of life.
And I don’t want to just not be afraid or accept it. I want to love the entire process. I want to embrace it with my full chest.
I want love to flower inside of myself, for myself, and for others, and I can only do that when I let go of fear.
Avidyā fades with regular and intentional yoga practice. Like a blindfold being removed, you begin to see reality as it is, not as your ego wants it to be.
As you walk out of the fog and into the realm of Vidyā, or clarity, the peace and flow in your life will increase as you make more and more of your decisions based on “the abundance around us and within us.
