Thoughts from a Cocoon

Nov 10

September, 2023

I am at a crossroads in my life, a liminal space where the familiar dissolves and the unknown beckons. For years, I've been chasing an ill-defined sense of fulfillment, a yearning for a life that resonates with my true essence. This desire for authenticity has led me down winding paths, some enlightening, others frustrating.

But now, I feel myself becoming something entirely different, and this processing of becoming feels very much like existing inside a cocoon.

Last year, I met a shaman and healer in Costa Rica named Yao who told me she could only spend short periods of time in the United States because the energy there is so unbalanced; there is an overabundance of masculine energy and not enough feminine energy. Too much yang and not enough yin, I suppose.

She is someone who speaks to beings from other dimensions, sees auras, and understands the world of spirit more than anyone I’ve ever met. (If you’d like to read more about my experiences with Yao and my Ayahuasca journey, go here.), so I trust her judgment.

Yao put words to an idea, a reality, that had been forming in my own heart. She spoke a truth I already knew but hadn’t yet put to words. When she spoke it, I thought, yes, that’s it. The imbalance of the male and female energy, the yin and the yang, in the most powerful country in the world, is unmistakable and now palpable to me. Now that the veil has been lifted I see and feel it everywhere.

Knowing this now in my mind as I suspected all along in my heart has provided some clues as to why I have felt ill at ease in my own skin in my own culture. I was led to believe that to have a decent life I must work hard, get good grades, go to college, get a job, buy a house, save for retirement, etc.. The list of what I’m supposed to do to be happy and fulfilled is long.

What about who I’m supposed to be?

This realization-that who I am is more important that what I do- coincided with a series of life-altering events: job changes, relocations, and a growing sense of disillusionment with the path I was on. These events served as a wake-up call, propelling me to a place of uncertainty and transformation. A place I’ve heard referred to as the void.

Within this void, I found myself enveloped in a cocoon of introspection, a liminal place where I have begun to shed layers of expectation and conditioning that have held me captive. As my old identity dissolves I am flooded with uncertainty and doubt, in myself and about my future.

Existing in liminality is like being a trapeze artist-I am in that place in mid-air where I have let go of one bar and am reaching for the next, holding on to nothing.

The void is both entirely uncomfortable and entirely necessary. Like a serpent shedding its skin, it is a place of dissolution and renewal, and I’m grateful for the lessons-those learned and those still to be confronted.

I envision emerging from this state as more authentically myself and the new business I’m launching will be an extension of who I am, which, I now realize, must be the foundation for what I do.

The doing (yang energy) will be an extension of the being (yin energy).

Finally, at age 53, I realize I must fully embrace my own unique light so I can do the work I was meant to do in the world. I’m not sure about everything that entails just yet, but I keep the faith that it’s something more wonderful than I can imagine as a mere pile of goo.

Keep the faith and stay magical, y’all.

PS: Here’s a cool video about embracing the void. Enjoy!