“Let go of what no longer serves you.” 

You hear that phrase a lot this time of year. Everyone seems to agree that the end of the year is the best time to let go. An end-of-year spiritual and emotional housekeeping. 

What exactly does it mean? Why do you need to do it? How do you do it? 

When I am invited to “let go” in yoga class, I usually end up with the same laundry list of 2-3 things I need to let go of. But that can’t be right, because the world, and our lives in it, are in a constant state of flux. 

This brings me to conclude that I probably need to let go of things I just haven’t come up with. Maybe I’m not being creative enough, or digging deeply enough. Am I letting go of the right things? The most important things? 

Certainly, there are some things that require a regular practice of letting go of. Letting go on a loop, because it always seems to pop up in your heart again. Just when you thought you’d released it, whoop there it is. 

In the realm of healing, nothing is linear. 

Maybe the question “What do I need to let go of?” should be asked at the same time as “What do I want to invite in?” Letting go is necessary to create space for something new (ask any gardener), but not nearly as fun as reaching for something you want. 

Creating space for the new is motivating. Knowing what needs to be cleared out and what needs to be invited in is the tricky part, at least for me. 

This is where my regular asana (yoga poses) and meditation practice really help clue me into what I need. “Know thyself” is the oft-repeated, ancient Greek maxim and is the key to the answers about what to let go of and what to usher in. Spending time in contemplative practice, exploring my inner world, is a vital part of living my life with intention. 

How well do you know yourself? There is a litmus test to find out. 

In The Heart of Yoga: Developing a Personal Practice, Desikachar says, “Changes of the mind can be observed primarily in our relationships with other people. Relationships are the real test of whether we actually understand ourselves better.”

There are some things we can only know about ourselves in relationship with others. So now ask yourself, how are the state of your relationships? Not an easy question, I know. But an important one. 

Since beginning my yoga practice in earnest a few years ago, the state of my relationships has changed drastically and has involved letting go of some very important people in my life, most of them family members.

But it was not until I began regularly going inward, getting to know myself in the process, that I was even able to recognize that the relationships were not healthy, not for me nor for them. It was just the way it had always been and, although it was painful, I didn’t understand it nor did I know what to do about it. I was living in a state of avidya, or ignorance, mostly about myself. 

Yoga, meditation, and metta meditation specifically, brought me the clarity I needed. And that clarity gave me the courage to take the necessary steps to heal and nurture my own heart. Physical and emotional separation was a necessary step in my own healing, and I hope for theirs as well. 

Letting go of my family was painful and continues to be something I have to circle back to again and again. I feel my feelings and then let it go as often as I need to. Some releases are a process.

I feel the pain in my heart space and I imagine a butterfly, a creature of supreme metamorphosis, taking the pain and carrying it away. Releasing in this way, as often as I need to, prevents my heart from hardening and allows me to be open to love flowing into my life. 

The friends and family in my life now are supportive, uplifting, and compassionate. They love me with all the actions that word entails and I feel blessed.

Of course, not all letting go need be so dramatic. Letting go of the little things is important and required to live in peace and harmony. The fluid nature of our existence on earth requires us to accept and let go constantly. The late John O’Donohue wrote a beautiful little poem about that.

I would love to live

Like a river flows.

Carried by the surprise

Of its own unfolding.

So, how do you decide what to let go of?

My advice is simply to ask.

The heart space is a powerful and wise energetic center. Ask that part of yourself what it needs or wants to release, and then, perhaps, more importantly, inquire about your heart’s deepest desire. 

If you have a devotional practice, or even if you don’t, you can also pray about it if that feels right.

Then take the time to quietly and sincerely listen, and in that spaciousness, you will come to know yourself better.

And the next time you’re in yoga class and the teacher invites you to “let go of what no longer serves you,” your heart will offer up the answer as you flow with the next bend in the river. 

PS-Enjoy this beautiful, healing mantra to go along with your process of letting go of the old and inviting in the new…Ra Ma Da Sa.